Hey Y'all!!!

I had a really funny post I was going to write tonight, I was thinking about it all day and now that I'm home, it's not going to happen. I started drinking and I'm watching "12 Corazones" on Telemundo. I have no fucking idea what the point is of this show, but I love it! The host is fricking hot, and they have all these hot latin women on there too. I think it might be a dating show, but I just watch it for the chicks, gotta love those Mexican women! Did I ever tell you that my first two real girlfriends were Mexican? No? Well that's a story for another post. I think someone just won on the show, she's kissing one of the dudes now, at least I think they won something. Did I mention I love this show!? I have to go, now they've got the chick with the big boobs riding a fake horse!!! Later Freaks!

REO Speedwagon.......................

The other day someone said, "hey man, why the hell do you drive a station wagon?" My answer was the obvious one, of course! Because chicks dig it! Why the hell else do you do anything in this world. Guys don't become rockstars because they love the music, it's to get the girlies man. And since I can't play guitar, I drive a station wagon. If a chick seems on the edge about the wagon, I just remind her of the 5000lb towing capacity and then she's all over me! Some guys can't handle the attention that the wagon brings but I'm learning to live with it. Some days it's a curse, but nobody ever said it was easy being me. Later freaks.

Don't invite the Devil in, he'll drink all your beer, I think..................

I was going to write something really fucking funny here, but I forgot what it was. It may have something to do with the beer I've already had to drink, but I don't think so. My grandma used to say that if you forgot what you were going to say it must have been a lie. But then again when I was about 7 years old the wind blew the door open and I jokingly said "come on in" and she yelled at me and said that if the door opens by itself it's the devil trying to get in. And she really believed it! No, that doesn't scare the shit out of a 7 year old kid! Not at all. So I guess I'm just telling you don't invite the devil into your house, or something. Because she said the devil can only get in if you invite him. Ok, I need some more beer. I'm spending some time with 36 of my friends tonight, they're blue and 12 fl.ozs. Later freaks, time to start the bonfire and get fitshaced! I may take some video! But I can't post that here, then you'd know just how fucking pretty I was!

I Wanna Be Your Dog............................

Last night my youngest daughter had a friend over, they're both 4. I noticed that she was leading him around on a leash. I was going to tell her to stop. Then I thought,get used to it kid, that shit's never gonna change.

Say Cheese!!!

I have a hard time falling asleep. I need to be really tired before I even think about getting in bed. Even then it's a crapshoot as to whether I'll actually fall asleep right away or not. On a good night I lie in bed for at least 15 or 20 mins before I fall asleep. On my weekend out of town, I had to go to bed when everyone else did. That was at about 10:45pm both nights. I was not tired! I suppose I could have stayed up, but all the friggin lights were turned off. The other fun little thing was that we all slept in the same room, in rows of bunk beds. Men and women, all in bunkbeds, kids were in the other room. After about 5 mins of the lights being out, I can tell that EVERYONE is asleep. I always wondered how normal people fell asleep. Well, lying there bored I had a lot of time to think. Of course my mind isn't going to think about nice normal stuff. Did I mention that I had nothing in common with these people. I started thinking about about how fucking funny it would be to take pictures of everyone while they were sleeping, and then showing them in the morning. Just say something like, "wow dude you make a really funny face while you sleep..........wanna see?" then show him the picture of him sleeping. Even better would be the shot that everybody does when they're trying to get a selfportrait with a friend, you know the face smooshed together pic, do one of those and show them that. There I am in bed, the symphony of snoring going on around me and I'm trying not to laugh. I'm guessing it might not look any better with me giggling in my bunk, in the dark, by myself. Now don't get me wrong, they were all good fine Americans, I just didn't have anything in common with them. Now just in case you were wondering I didn't take any pictures that night, and I did eventually fall asleep. Other than that, my weekend was pretty fucking boring. Later Y'all. I'm 10-99.

Hello Group..................

My name is Jack and I drink too much...............................he e he he he, ha ha ha ha ha ah aah ahahh ah ha ha ha ha ha !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah fuck off! I need another beer y'all!!! I was just sitting here, drinking and reading poetry. Yep, reading poetry. Now I want another beer..................and some bacon. I love bacon. And boobies! Though who doesn't love cured meats and boobies! My fucking beer is empty!!!! I have more in the fridge in the basement. I just have to go get them. I'm not sure how many I have left though, I've been drinking since noon. Now before you lambaste me for not doing anything today I did snow blow my driveway and put a new battery in my car all before noon today. If that battery doesn't fix my car I'm going to drive it off a fucking cliff, and I may just not jump out before it goes off! Where the hell is my beer!! I need an assistant to go get me a beer! I'm fucking thirsty! I just had to delete part of my post because I hit spell check and I couldn't figure out what the hell I was trying to spell. It gave me a bunch of options and none of them made sense. If you really loved me you'd fight for me. I think I'm going down to get a few more beers now. I hope I have some left. I'll let you know how that goes when I get back......................................................Only two left, if I want to continue drinking I may have to start on the Absolute. I'm hungry now. I think I still have some chips and guacamole that I made today. I make really good guacamole. How can I spell guacamole correctly and not be able to figure out what I was trying to spell earlier? I don't know! I guess I should end this soon. I really don't think I'm making any sense. I need a shower. I like to think in the shower, and I've had a lot to think about lately. Ok, I think I'm done. I need guacamole now. Ohhhh, and beer! Later Y'all.

The Best Laid Plans....................

Yeah, the big plans for the new year are already in the shitter. By the way, my weekend out of town was pretty damn boring! I survived though. I did get to see a really col ice storm blow in late one night. I had to go get something out of my car, which was just code for " I have to get the hell out of this cabin or I'm going to skin and quarter all of you boring freaks!" But I digress. On my way down to my car which was about a half mile down the trail, I could see some really, really dark clouds blowing in really fast. The temperature was dropping fast with the 45 mile an hour winds that were howling through the massive red cedars lining the path. I could feel the rain starting to sting my face, and it was freezing instantly on my jacket. The only light you could see was from distant lights reflecting off the snow, the sky was pitch black. On my way back to the cabin, I walked up on the ridge above the lake and stood there for a long time with the wind and rain hitting me in the face, not wanting to leave. My face and ears were stinging, my fingers getting numb, but I wanted to stay there all night................feeling. I wanted to share those sensations with someone, it's not something you can describe, I tried, but going back and reading this, I did poorly to convey just how intense the sensations I was experiencing were. I did have to go back in, I thought about telling someone there, but they wouldn't understand.